c-fashioncolumn

So, today I’m going to write about sports. Just kidding, pranked you. Happy early April Fools Day.

April Fools Day is Friday, but so far it seems as if 2022 has been filled with pranks in the fashion world. Designers are running out of new ideas, so instead they are creating pieces so ridiculous that no one in the future will want to copy them. If I wasn’t such an advocate for well thought out fashion designs and a lover of classic pieces, I would think the preposterous garments designed for this year are genius.

To prove my point, I scoured the internet for six ludicrous fashion items presented on runways and worn during red carpet events this year. Maybe you’ll think they are cool, or maybe we’ll agree on their absurdity and also feel sorry for the models that were subjected to wearing such fashion monstrosities.

A middle schooler’s shoe fantasy 

In middle school, I remember trading Croc attachments — Jibbitz charms — with my classmates. We treated the small plastic flowers and rainbows like currency. On one occasion, I remember giving my friend a smiley face charm in exchange for her brownie at lunch.

Now I’m an adult, and I admit sometimes I do pull out the trusty Crocs when I’m running casual errands or when none of my shoes look appealing that day. However, I couldn’t imagine slipping on a pair of high-heeled crocs to go to an event that requires heeled shoes.

Balenciaga announced in 2021 that they were partnering with Crocs for their spring/summer 2022 collection, and together they created a Crocs heel.

Crocs notoriously make a squeaking noise when they are worn barefoot. To avoid the obnoxious sound, the wearer must wear socks. Just imagine wearing a green high-heeled Croc with white socks to your first job interview. Hopefully, the hiring manager likes street style and thinks the shoes represent your sense of humor, or you’ll just become the subject of a funny Tweet they post later that night.

The Balenciaga x Crocs heels are cute, but they are hard to take seriously.

A multi-purpose blanket 

In January, actress Rosamund Pike wore a black Christian Dior puffer dress over a white button-up shirt and a black tie to a Dior’s Spring 2022 couture fashion show. She wore combat boots and topped the look off with a sparkly crystal mesh head covering.

I have to say that while the combination of delicate, fine-dining waitress and futuristic mob boss is definitely not something you’d see everyday on the street, it somehow went well together.

That being said, I don’t think I like the Dior dress. It’s belted with a nylon and plastic clip belt — the kind you use to close your industrial backpack — and the skirt part of the dress is made of a puffer jacket material. It’s also short-sleeved, which is odd for a dress that’s obviously meant to be worn in the arctic tundra.

The entire dress appears to resemble a duvet someone added a belt to. There is no obvious tailoring and it just looks poorly designed for something created by a luxury brand.

Since the dress cannot be purchased anywhere, the only explanation is that the garment is a part of some elaborate prank. Congratulations Dior, you definitely fooled me.

Boots that are also feet

Putting on shoes before you leave your house can be such a buzzkill. The brand AVAVAV based in Florence, Italy feels the same way. For their spring/summer 2022 collection they created a pair of shoes that have toes.

While the shoes are sustainable and they are made of vegan leather, they’re just too creepy to wear on an everyday basis. Worn with long pants, these shoes would give an observer the idea that you aren’t wearing shoes and that you only have four toes.

The only appropriate public gathering you could wear these shoes to would be a Comic-Con where you are cosplaying a zombie from “The Walking Dead.”

Shoes with toes are great for outdoor rock climbing, but they seem farcical as a luxury high-heeled boot.

A shirt that’s not even a shirt 

If you live in a warm climate and spring is extra hot, you don’t have to worry about wearing an actual shirt, thanks to the brand LRS. Their spring 2022 ready-to-wear collection contains a blouse that has only sleeves, a collar and two tiny strings covering the chest.

This garment makes it seem as if LRS was running out of fabric and they quickly had to create one last blouse for their collection.

The blouse bends the rules of the no shirt, no shoes, no service policy that many stores follow, so forget about wearing this top on a shopping spree or to any fine dining restaurant. The only place I could imagine where this shirt would be appropriate is a Burning Man festival or a techno rave.

A furniture store sponsored runway show

Moschino presented its Fall 2022 collection during Milan Fashion Week in February. Every piece in the collection appeared to be inspired by furniture. It was like a fashion show sponsored by Big Lots from the late 1900s.

There were candelabra hats, a dress that looked like a couch, sleeves made from antique clocks, multiple carpet-patterned outfits and other decor-inspired ensembles.

Jeremy Scott, creative director and fashion designer for Moschino, must be going through something. His New York Fashion Week collection with baby-inspired accessories is another example of his odd creative expression.

Usually in fashion, odd is good, but it still has to be a wearable kind of odd. I’m not sure where you would wear a dress with forks attached to its bodice. Also, I was confused by the random astronaut suit that made an appearance in the fashion show. Maybe the whole show was a prediction for the future in that we'll have to disguise ourselves as furniture to hide from aliens. Honestly, your guess is as good as mine, and full disclosure, I’m not sure what was going on here.

A mega fast-food chain mascot’s uniform 

In the ‘70s, McDonald’s introduced a purple globby character known as “Evil Grimace.” Years later, the character is now not so evil and is actually identified as being a happy taste bud.

Apparently, Central Saint Martins liked Grimace so much that the brand unintentionally added a purple fuzzy dress that looks like Grimace to their Fall 2022 ready-to-wear collection. The dress hides any discerning bodily features and makes the wearer appear to be a mound of purple with legs and arms.

Every time I stare at the dress, I have the urge to burst into laughter, so I guess you could say “I’m Lovin’ it.” If you consider yourself to be the clown of your friend group, wear this dress and you will forever be labeled as “the funny one.”

All jokes aside, COVID-19 did shut down the fashion industry for two years, so I honestly excuse some of the strange fashion seen this year. Designers are unsure of what to expect for the future so they’re throwing whatever they can at the wall and seeing what sticks.

Who knows if the world will end soon, so you might as well strap into your duvet dress and slip on a pair of four-toed heeled boots and enjoy the ride.

culture@dailynebraskan.com