On July 31, Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers took it upon himself to bash the lifestyles of Nebraskans while proclaiming the 2007 USC Trojans the greatest team ever assembled.
To clarify, the 1995 National Champion Nebraska Cornhuskers is the all-time greatest NCAA football team. Just ask the hundreds of thousands of sports fans who voted for the '95 team in the ESPN.com All-Time Greatest College Football Team Playoff. They dominated opponents like they dominated the '95 season.
Proclaiming the 2007 Trojans to be the best team ever assembled is like proclaiming yourself to be God. It's stupid and blasphemous, and you will get struck by lightning.
Anyway, here are some selections of what Simers wrote in his article:
"I was thinking it'd be interesting to stay with a real-live boring Cornhusker family somewhere out on the prairie so I can feel what it's like to have nothing to look forward to in my life other than a Saturday afternoon football game."
In reference to the Rose Bowl only having benches instead of single seats: "Everyone here knows there are no individual seats - just long benches for the skinny people who live here (in L.A.)"
And best of all: "That's why the corn cobs love their football. It's all they have, everyone wearing red and sitting there like plump, ripe tomatoes with corncobs stuck to their heads, singing, 'There is no place like Nebraska.'"
Ignorance is bliss.
And with that, Mr. Simers, here is what you have to look forward to away from the busy, obnoxious streets of L.A., where wearing red could get you shot.
"Husker Land" moves at a relatively slow place compared to L.A. We walk and talk at our own pace. People give a friendly salutation and even wave to the unfamiliar face, unlike L.A. where you get a blaring car horn, a few expletives and the world-famous bird.
I must admit that I don't know how I'd be able to handle "life in the big city" were I to travel to L.A.
People using the latest and greatest cell phones, video iPods, Blackberrys, high speed Internet connections and HDTV that brings you closer to reality blows our minds.
Everyone in L.A. is about as thick as a pencil (we're not just talking about waist size here), and it's not due to genetics.
This is why I fell in love with farm-bred, corn-fed Nebraska women. They have substance.
We all learned in school that in some countries a woman's size is a measure of her beauty. Come to think of it, Nebraska is a whole lot of country.
Most importantly, unlike Californians, Nebraskans stick together as one big happy family.
On game day you can watch as Nebraskans young and old flock to Memorial Stadium to become one Sea of Red.
Not even Moses himself could part that sea.
What else is there to love about Nebraska? The prairies.
Stop for a second in a remote location, which I'm sure you can find by stepping into the backyard of your host family, if anyone wants to house you on your quest to experience the Nebraskan way of life. You'll find yourself lost in the vast expanse of emptiness.
Actually, if you wanted to end up lost and in the middle of nowhere, you could travel to Kearney, which is 1,733 miles from Boston and San Francisco. Known as the "Midway City of the Nation," in Kearney you can find the Frank House, which was the first house west of the Mississippi to be wired for electricity.
You could visit Falls City, where Hilary Swank won an Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role in the 1999 blockbuster, "Boys Don't Cry."
And don't forget to pass through Hastings, where Edwin Perkins created Kool-Aid in 1927. Cool, huh?
So as you drive through Nebraska in the hopes of eventually finding some civilized people, take the time to stop, close your eyes and listen. Don't worry, you won't end up as a missing person report on Nancy Grace's CNN show.
You'll find you feel more at home in Nebraska than in your own backyard - if you happen to have one in California - and you'll realize there really is no place like Nebraska.
NICK FILIPOWSKI IS A JUNIOR BROADCASTING MAJOR. REACH HIM AT NICKFILIPOWSKI@DAILYNEBRASKAN.COM
is a member of the 
