SMITH: How Republican presidential candidates stack up

This year is quickly coming to a close. And I, for one, am less concerned about the presidential, congressional and gubernatorial elections than the impending end of the world in December 2012. That is, if this debt ceiling fight doesn't cause the end of the world first.

But for some reason, people still care about the race to beat President Barack Obama for the presidency. Now, obviously, this is all one side of the aisle: Obama will not face a primary in the Democratic Party unless it comes from the guy currently suing him over Libya, Democractic Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio.

So, we're left with a relatively large group of Republicans vying for the right to, depending on the candidate, put Obama's feet to the fire or be crushed under the weight of Obama's impressive fundraising and political apparatus. Without further ado, here's my handicapping of the GOP 2012 candidates:

Tier IV: The "Who Are You?" Candidates

Gary Johnson, former governor of New Mexico: This is my kind of Republican. Johnson, the libertarian governor, supports legalization of marijuana, is pro-choice and basically anti-major government interference in any affairs, from social to economic. I can deal with that. Problem is, Republicans can't. For all the Tea Party's rhetoric about how it is an economic movement, many Tea Party conservatives are also social conservatives, and outside the Tea Party remains the evangelical Christian base of the GOP. Pro-choice? Bye-bye.

Buddy Roemer, former governor of Louisiana: Who? He hasn't been at any debates, has he? I'll get back to you on this guy — but his poll numbers aren't the best. As in, nonexistent.

Tier III: The "You Can't Be Serious" Candidates

Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House: Aside from having a name like Newt, Gingrich's entire staff and major fundraisers quit. Gingrich's response was to accuse the media of recognizing how "dangerous" his campaign was. So dangerous it failed to launch.

Rep. Ron Paul of Texas: Didn't we see this in 2008? Maybe a few more people want to "End the Fed" now, but most people recognize craziness when they see it. This is a guy who thinks legalization of any drug, provided it's done in private, is fine. This is a  guy who disagrees with government interference in private affairs, even to the Civil Rights Act. He has enough odd positions to outweigh his admirable opposition to the Iraq War.

Rick Santorum, former senator from Pennsylvania: I refer you to his hardline social conservatism paired with Catholicism, a combination that makes evangelicals skeptical. Santorum also doesn't fundraise well. By that, I mean at all.

Jon Huntsman, former governor of Utah, former ambassador to China: I'm hesitant to put Huntsman in this tier, because I actually believe a Huntsman-Obama race would be a very good thing for this country. Huntsman believes in climate change — that is, he believes in science. He's pro-civil union, which is better than nothing. He argued on behalf of the stimulus. He's knowledgeable in foreign affairs. He's completely unacceptable to the current base of the Republican Party, and that, putting it bluntly, sucks.

Tier II: The "It Could Happen" Candidates

Tim Pawlenty, former governor of Minnesota: Tim Pawlenty is the least inspiring speaker I have ever heard. And I supported John Kerry in 2004. His fundraising is expected to be less than $5 million this quarter, which is abysmal. His economic plan amounts to three points: I'll make the economy grow by 5 percent for a decade (Reagan and Clinton managed this for a couple years, each, not a decade). This will bring in revenue and close our deficit, so we can have tax cuts for rich people. Tax cuts for rich people increase revenue even more.

Pawlenty is not only uninspiring, but he lacks basic math and economics skills. Nevertheless, he was, up until Bachmann, the anti-Romney.

Herman Cain, former CEO, Godfather's Pizza: Cain might play well, as a favored son of Nebraska, here. He's also a black Republican, which allows some white southern Republicans to say "Look, I'm not racist!" He famously debated Bill Clinton during the "Hillarycare" debates and won. But he's also virulently anti-Muslim, even for this climate, knows nothing about foreign affairs and his momentum wore off after the first debate.

Tier I.5: The Wild Cards

Gov. Rick Perry of Texas: Trivia: When was the last time we had a governor of Texas as our president? Does anyone remember those years? Apparently not. Anyway, Perry has national appeal: He's socially and economically conservative, and he's the only running Southerner (Gingrich is adopted). The ingredients are there, but it's getting too late. Too late, except for one candidate who doesn't play by the rules. Who doesn't need the lame-stream media. Who can see Russia from her house, except her new house is in Scottsdale, Ariz.

Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, former vice presidential nominee: The Sage of Wasilla, as political scientist Jonathan Bernstein dubs her, doesn't believe she needs to play by the conventional set of campaign tactics. Her following is strong, small and devoted. She can win primary states. She must announce soon, though. Sarah Palin is a gift, sent from Almighty God, to Barack Obama. I hope and pray she is the nominee.

Tier I: The Contenders

Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.): I can't believe I'm putting Michele Bachmann here. Excuse me. I need to go outside and get some fresh air. That's better. Bachmann, despite being radical, maybe because she's radical, has a real chance. She can harness the Tea Party — she's its champion in the House. She can fundraise — she was the top fundraiser in the House last cycle. She's socially conservative. She's economically conservative. She occasionally faces the right camera when on television. She is the anti-Romney, right now, And she could lose this spot very quickly.