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Children are good for two things: politicians and the women who actually want them.
Fortunately, (for those of us who would rather poke ourselves in the eye repeatedly than hear the shrill, deafening sound of a crying child) fewer women are opting to have children these days.
Without sounding trite or religious in the slightest - Amen, sistas!
This "phenomenon" (as it's called) is phenomenal. Women, since the beginning of time, have been viewed primarily (and often solely) as baby-making machines, as can be seen by Japan's Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's recent statements.
Not so shockingly, the American government is proliferating these old-fashioned, status-quo abiding ideas of women as baby-pushers as well.
In a (semi) new set of guidelines released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the spring of 2006, the government let us know that a woman of childbearing age should treat her body like it's in a constant state of "preconception.""New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves - and to be treated by the health care system - as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon," written in "Forever Pregnant," a Washington Post article by January W. Payne.
This essentially means that women between their first period and the grand days of menopause should make sure to not smoke, take "folic acid supplements" and keep those pesky diseases (like asthma and diabetes) under control, the article continued.
Arguments supporting these new guidelines include the idea that the guidelines are meant to encourage fetus health, especially in unexpected pregnancies, and that the statements in general are meant to promote good health.
Yes, smoking is bad for us all, and yes, we should try not to harm our fetuses, even if they were unexpected, but for the government to publish a set of guidelines that explicitly tell women to treat their bodies like they are in a constant state of preconception pushes women into a corner, diminishing their ability to choose whether or not to have children.
These guidelines further societal stereotypes that women are designed primarily to procreate; these guidelines ultimately make women feel guilty for their extracurricular activities, whether they be partaking in cigarettes, pot or too much fast food, while men can do whatever the hell they want without societal repercussions.
Women may be capable of procreating during a certain time in their lives, but in order to be in a state of preconception, a woman has to want to conceive.
At 21 years old, a perfect childbearing age (I know this by the absurd number of now-Baby Mammas that I graduated from high school with), my vagina is certainly screaming, but it ain't for no babies.
The only thing I want growing inside of me is an orgasm. As for twins, triplets? I'll take multiple orgasms please.
And I'm not alone. Well - about the baby part at least.
According to the January issue of Bust magazine, we women who have no interest in baby-delivering and diaper-changing are normal!
Imagine that.
"Recent scientific studies have shown that the urge not to procreate might be biological - just like homosexuality or the ability to curl one's tongue," Judy McGuire wrote in her article "Newborn Free."
We're the new gays!
Besides being normal, child-free women are joining together to advocate for their cause: a society that stops judgin' us for doing something our mammas taught us - saying no!
If we can respect our legs wide-open baby-pushing counterparts - despite not wanting or sometimes liking children, we do respect women who choose to have them - it's only polite that they accept us in return.In addition to the respect we deserve from Baby Mammas, society needs to stop conforming to baby standards; the entire world ain't Babies-R-US.
Babies. Don't. Belong. In. Public. Spaces. (With the obvious exceptions of parks, playgrounds, schools, etc.)
When it comes to movies PG-13 and above, restaurants that don't start with a "Mc" or end with a "King," or social gatherings that aren't clown-filled birthday parties or baby-showers, your children should not be seen or heard.
Kids are great, in appropriate places. If you can't afford a nanny on a night you want to see an R-rated movie, then it's obviously not meant to be.
Andy Heidel has exercised his citizenly duty of getting rid of children in inappropriate places. He posted his "Stroller Free Manifesto" outside of the Patio Lounge bar in Brooklyn, N.Y., in an effort to get rid of children, at least on Sundays.
Chris Erikson of the New York Post, in his article "Lowering the Bar," quotes the manifesto.
"Listen, if you're a parent now, your child doesn't have to be the center of everyone else's universe, too. Get a baby sitter if you want to go out to a bar, or buy a bottle of wine and invite your friends over. Just stop imposing your lifestyle on the rest of us in our sanctuary of choice. You made the decision to have a child, and now, like a responsible adult and parent, you have to change your lifestyle as well."
"Sanctuary of choice" may be one religious allusion we can all agree to.
Women, we are not in a constant state of preconception. We are not baby-making machines. We are people with the ability to choose whether or not we want children - ever.
Whether you want children or not, take a seat in the sanctuary of choice … and choose.
