WAITE: Texting shouldn't replace dates in relationships

When it comes to sex and dating, there have always been sports game metaphors.

The entire ritual of finding a person, searching for a connection and eventually running for the score lends itself to baseball game analogies: the bases, batting, and especially, the home runs, offer a perfect illustration for the frustration, nerves and excitement of a new romantic catch.

But in this technology-saturated culture we find ourselves in, where text messages and MySpace messages have provided us with a way to receive instant messages, is it possible that the proverbial baseball paradigm of dating is dead?

In this new world of faceless flirting, where we decide a relationship's entire beginning and ending with the click of 'send' or 'end' I can't help but wonder - are we getting quicker and more efficient in choosing our mates (or at least dates), or have we just gotten dumb about dating?

If video killed the radio star, is it possible that technology killed the art of the dating game? Is texting the new first date?

As women in our 20s (for most of us), we've learned the rules and jewels of dating from our hip and trendy 30s single counterparts. For them, cocktail hour replaced dinner reservations as the standard first date. For us, it seems as though we skip the martinis and cut straight to the wires with phones and Internet.

While they pound drinks and consider filling their boxes, we're pounding keys while filling our inboxes. Often, it seems as though we never make it to a first date before we hit delete. Point in case: my phone fling with Keenan.

"He's a dreamboat," a relevant outsider observed.

Intelligent, intelligent and intelligent, he's everything I like in a man (attractive and witty help, too). We hit it off over drinks and two nights later I found myself margarita in hand, anxiously awaiting his next text. We bantered, discussed and enjoyed our blossoming text-fling.

Three days later, after receiving nothing and sending nothing, I entered the black hole of phone silence: my text-fest turned into a text-mess.

Not one to pine (or to be particularly romantically inclined), I gave myself a solid two hours to mope about the end of what could have been 'something great.'

I blamed my inbox -- what happened? What did that last text mean? Somehow, someway, we ended before we got to a first date.

It seems I'm not alone in my text-obsessed ways and text-dating woes.

Cellsigns.org reports that as of Dec. 2006, over 18.5 billion text messages are sent every month. That number had grown by 250 percent each year since 2004. And, of course, 18-24-year-olds are the age group utilizing text services most.

With unlimited access to a cornucopia of technologies, it's no wonder that the average college student has learned to live their life in cyber- and virtual-space. We are Generation Now, and right now it's easy to avoid face-to-face contact, awkward moments and situations. Our parents took joy in screening their calls; we can take joy in screening our dates.

"The 18-24 age group are so obsessed with their mobile phones that they would rather forsake the company of another instead," an Oct. 2007 MSN UnK article, "Texting better than sex say young people" reports.

"…young people ranked mobiles second only to cash as their most important possession over a 24-hour period, ahead of such traditional favorites as chocolate, alcohol and sex."

Choosing texts over sex may indicate a level of textpendence that requires detox at least and counseling at best, but at least it's not texting while sexing… that seems hopeful.

The U.S. lags behind countries like the UK in text messaging, and it might be a good thing - if this is the future we have to look forward to - it's time for us all to have a wake-up call. Text-talking, that first 'getting to know you' stage of a relationship has potential, but when does text-flirting become text-dating and when has text-dating gone too far?

Sandra Barron, a New York Times writer explored this very issue in a 2005 column, "R We D8ing?"

"[Texts] fill an ever-narrowing gap in modern communication tools, combining the immediacy of a phone call… and the premeditation of e-mail. And if they happen to be from a crush and pop up late at night, they have the giddy re-readability of a note left on a pillow," Barron explains, reminding us that texts, even when flirty, are meant to be a gap-filler, a quick way to communicate, not the basis of an entire relationship.

Herein lies the quintessential text-dating problem: we try to use texts as a way to replace the potentially awkward first date (and second and third), but the truth is that it's nearly impossible to get to know someone in 160 characters (at least at this point in textnology).

We need those first dates, that face-to-face contact to gauge chemistry, hear their trumpeting laugh or their under-the-breath snarky comments.

So when it comes to sex and dating, let's get back to the sports game metaphors - let's joke about second and third bases and the meaning of a 'home-run.'

Let's put down our phones, have a drink and figure out if we've found a great catch or just scored a touchdown for the night… and then text our friends all the details.

Cyndi Waite is a senior English and film studies major. You can reach her at opinion@dailynebraskan.com