Robert Waite beat my mom for half a decade. He beat her physically, emotionally and mentally. Robert Waite pawned everything of value the two owned to feed his addictions. He used the lamps and dishes left to aid him in his physical attacks against my mom while my 4-year-old brother watched.
Robert Waite took material objects from my mom and he undoubtedly left her scarred, but no matter how hard he beat her or how hard he tried to emotionally control her, she refused to let him win.
Shortly after having me, my mom left this man. She left with nothing material but retained her self-esteem, her pride, her individuality and her inner strength.
I may share a name with Robert Waite, but I do not grace him with the title "Dad." Robert Waite is a man I have never met because my mom found the strength to get away.
And so can you.
"Nearly 5.3 million incidents of IPV (Intimate Partner Violence) occur each year among U.S. women ages 18 and older, and 3.2 million occur among men," according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. While both these numbers are strikingly horrific, it may come as a surprise that men experience abuse in such large numbers. The idea that domestic abuse affects women alone is clearly a myth.
The CDC's "Intimate Partner Violence: Fact Sheet" goes on to note that approximately 47 out of every 1,000 women and 32 out of every 1,000 men are raped or physically assaulted per year. Domestic violence encompasses more than sexual and physical abuse, however.
Psychological or mental and emotional abuse usually accompanies physical violence and is frighteningly common among adolescent relationships. The Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women reported that 25 to 30 percent of adolescent relationships are abusive.
Escaping abuse is perhaps the most difficult thing for a man or woman to do. Outsiders often view the abused individual as weak or somehow less of a person for not just leaving. But it's not that simple.
Oftentimes the abused partner is threatened - it's the "If you leave, I'll hurt you more" mentality. Other times the man or woman has been so isolated from his or her family, friends and other social networks by his or her partner that he or she has nowhere to go and no financial means of leaving.
There are other times when individuals may not even recognize their pain as stemming from abuse. Their partner has conditioned them to think that they are overreacting, irrational or ignorant.
Meg Dugan and Roger R. Hock, authors of "It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence," note that your partner may be emotionally abusive if he/she attempts to "take control of and manipulate your feelings and emotions."
Some other signs of emotional abuse include feeling belittled when speaking to your partner, having your self-esteem gradually lowered throughout the course of your relationship and feeling manipulated.
Education Wife Assault, online at www.womenabuseprevention.org, offers a detailed list of signs and symptoms of emotional abuse if you are unsure about the healthiness of your relationship.
There are ways to overcome domestic abuse. I know that even though it is difficult, it can be done.
If you live on campus, try confiding in your resident assistant. They are all trained in dealing with these situations. Your RA will be able to give you information about resources that can help you on campus and in Lincoln.
Another option, whether you live on campus or not, is to confide in a friend or family member that you trust completely. If this isn't an option for you, there are several resources on campus and in the Lincoln area that can help you.
Visit the Women's Center in the Nebraska Union where you can meet with the victim advocate, who is connected to campus through the center and is also connected with the Lincoln Rape Spouse Abuse Crisis Center. The RSACC hotline number is 402-475-7273 and is available 24 hours a day.
If you are in a violent or threatening relationship, use a safe computer, as the RSACC Web site (www.rsacc.org) advises, and start devising a plan to get away. The Friendship Home is another resource located in Lincoln that helps women and children by providing shelter and food to victims of domestic violence.
Abuse is not your only option. Escaping physical and emotional violence often appears impossible, but it can be done. Believe in yourself, devise a plan, visit the resources Lincoln has to offer and find a way to get away.
My mom is my hero. She found a strength that I admire to create a better life for herself, for my brother and for me.
The next survivor story can be yours.
