TRUEBLOOD: Honesty key to developing friendships

The first time I attended a Schramm staff meeting, I wasn't technically a resident assistant yet. The other new hires and I were invited to sit in on a meeting toward the end of last semester so we could get to know the staff we'd be working with.

I entered the small conference room not knowing what to expect. Four long tables were arranged in a rectangle, and the chairs around them were filling up. I looked for some of the familiar faces I had previously met at Big Event and East Campus' Bull Fry.

I spotted Kristina, a super-senior and third year RA, and sat next to her. Kristina was excited to see me and started talking with me. Her cheerful, overexcited personality was a bit overwhelming. When she started talking with Kelly, a senior and assistant residence director, she became even more animated. Kelly and Kristina bantered back and forth and Kristina started laughing uncontrollably. Before I knew it, the entire room was laughing with her.

The meeting was filled with hilarious outbursts and at times felt a bit chaotic. I observed the people next to me and across from me: Everyone seemed a little goofy, and I could tell the staff had formed a pretty good bond with each other. As I watched the playful joking between the nine former Schramm staff members, I wondered if the newbies and I would ever fit in and if we'd form a similar bond.

The first couple days of RA training were devoted almost entirely to staff introductions and teambuilding. In order for us to have a successful staff, it was important that we got to know each other. We covered the basics: name, major, hometown, year in school. And we shared what we did over the summer. We participated in some ridiculous skits and had fun hanging out and eating meals together. Still, our relationships were mostly skimming the surface.

Further into training, however, that all changed.

We did an activity during training week that allowed us to really open up. Sara, our residence director, asked us some personal questions. Although we had the option to skip some questions, we all participated because we knew it was necessary if we were going to take our relationship beyond the surface. The activity really stirred up some emotions and even drew a few tears. I felt rather vulnerable, sharing such personal details, but the openness we had with each other helped solidify our relationship. After that day, I felt like I could share anything with anyone on my staff, and it would be all right because it was mutual: We'd formed a bond.

Even though we can choose our friends, that doesn't mean the people we choose will become our pals for life. It seems the setting we're put in with certain individuals – either those we choose or those we don't – are often what "seals the deal" and forms friendships we hadn't anticipated.

I didn't choose my RA staff: I was chosen by my resident director who carefully compared my personality with a number of other applicants, as well as the personalities of her current staff. When she finally decided to pick me, she did so because she believed I would make a good fit on the Schramm staff (or "Schraff" as we call it).

As I've realized with my RA job, certain situations we're put into force us to go deep with people in unexpected ways.

Bryan, one of my staff members, recently commented on how most of our conversations involve questions that start with phrases like "Have you ever…" or "What do you think about…." I like having these kinds of conversations because they allow us to know each other beyond the superficial level. Discourse that digs below the surface is a fundamental basis for building solid friendships. It's not often that I have these kinds of dialogue with other friends, but what a difference it would make in my relationships if I did.

Looking back, I don't think I would have picked the people on my staff for friends. My situation as an RA, however, placed me with people to whom I have grown very close and couldn't imagine living without.