This week, I decided it was time to come out of my cave and get a tan. I used the word "cave" for two reasons: First, due to the hours of my job, I hardly see the 10-2 sun that is the best for catching skin-darkening rays. The second is that I have somewhat of a hairy chest - and by somewhat, I mean it is like that of a caveman.
I figured that I wouldn't catch a tan on my chest walking around with a torso like Pierce Brosnan (minus the muscle), so it was time to give myself a trim.
With the ever-changing fads in the last few decades, males have been becoming more "feminized." Lying out at the pool and using oil instead of sun-block is becoming a familiar occurrence, and it is not uncommon to see men getting packages at tanning salons. Some men even get their nails done.
But the most common recent trend for males is keeping a smooth, near-hairless body.
I set out to find the most effective, painless and time-saving method of "manscaping." I didn't shave my arms or legs while testing the following methods, but everywhere else was fair game.
Yes, everywhere.
In order to stop myself from looking like the cavemen in the Geico commercials, I had to trim my chest. It was far too hairy for a straight-blade razor, and a weed-whacker is incredibly hard to use in a bathroom. I settled on an electric head and neck shaver to do the job.
I knew things were going to get messy, so I stood over the toilet and began to buzz. It took about five minutes to get myself relatively smooth, which wasn't too bad. It didn't yet feel like a baby's behind, so I decided to go a step further and bust out the Bic.
I hopped in the shower, and after putting a giant handful of shaving cream on my hands I lathered up.
Using the razor blade took quite some time. By the time I was shaved from neck to belly, ten minutes had passed by. Also, one must be careful around the nipple area. I suffered a painful nick and felt pretty stupid with blood leaking out of my man-breast. All-in-all, this method is time consuming, but it does allow you to be precise and detailed.
Another area that is becoming acceptable (and even preferred) to be shaved or trimmed is the pubic region. For most ladies in my generation, this spot has been kept waxed, shaved, or trimmed for most of their lives, but I can remember a time when most guys kept things "natural."
As the clean-shaven fad spread around early in high school, I wanted join the club, so I decided a trim was in order. It is a very simple process and I know tons of men who do it, not to mention lots of ladies who favor it.
It's a win-win situation; for the guys, it makes everything look just a bit bigger. And for the ladies, well, you can use your imagination.
So as I stood in the shower, I had shaved up my chest but didn't want to stop there. I had always kept a tight trim down south, but decided it was time to go all the way. I bought a bottle of Nair.
Nair isn't supposed to be used on pubic hair because of its sensitivity and coarseness. I got too nervous to test it on my genitals first, so I started on the back. After ten minutes, I didn't feel any pain or burning, and It was time to wash off.
It was a success. However, some "pricklies" started growing a few days later, which made it irritating to walk without looking like I'd just ridden a horse. A very large, painful horse.
Overall, Nair is relatively easy, but some people may be prone to sensitivity or rash. I finished up my frontal area by using an electric razor (which I will never again use on my face) followed by a Bic'ing.
I would like to take this time to say I have incredible respect for all you girls who keep things shaven. My boxers should have been blood-red from all the nicks I gave myself. Perhaps repetition would enhance my skills of getting around down there, but I prefer to never find out.
Waxing and electrolysis are the two methods I didn't cover, nor did I care too. After watching "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" (and learning Steve Carrell really did wax his chest for the scene), I decided against it. As for electrolysis, it's too expensive, and supposedly, incredibly time-consuming.
So after losing about five pounds in fur, I hit up my pool and got some sun. I have to say I prefer the shaved look, and my girlfriend does too. It makes me look more toned, and I have an even tan that isn't blocked by the impenetrable forest that was once my chest hair.
I'll keep using a razor on my chest every week or two. As for the other regions, well, there's still some healing to do.
GRANT TRIPLETT IS A SENIOR COMMUNICATIONS STUDIES MAJOR. REACH HIM AT GRANTTRIPLETT@DAILYNEBRASKAN.COM
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