TIMAREE SCHMIT: Waving 'bi' to sexual dichotomies

"You understand the concept of being attracted to men, right?"

"Yes," my contemplative roommate replied.

"And you understand how someone can be attracted to women?"

"Yes," once again.

"So why must the two be mutually exclusive?"

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Long before the gay marriage amendment debate started, Americans prattled on about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. We spew platitudes, Bible verses and arguments like they're going out of style and piss off others in class, causing them to want to throw chewed gum in our hair.

One thing we forget is GLBT doesn't just stand for lesbians and gay men. There are a whole two more letters!

Save for John Loftis' stunningly repulsive missive to the editor, transgender people are rarely mentioned. And the most fascinating sexual orientation of all is often entirely omitted: bisexuality.

In order to qualify for this dual citizenship one must be either attracted to OR engage in sexual activity with both males and females. Sexuality has more to do with personal identification, not labels applied by others.

Alfred Kinsey suggested we all fall on a continuum with completely straight or gay individuals at the poles and all others in the middle. There are also theories it has many different purposes: alternating, transitional, emotional, recreational and circumstantial bisexuality for instance.

I find this orientation far more intriguing than any other. So today we're looking at the redheaded stepchild of GLBT issues. I'll expose some myths about folks who go both ways, spy as double agents, are ACDC, play for both teams, and (love) anything that moves.

1. Bisexuals are party sluts who can't be monogamous. While that idea makes a really, really fun person, it ultimately has limited real-world validity.

This stereotype recounts the innumerable parties where two drunk chicks get it on to entertain drunk guys. While such activity is semiregular in some settings and counts as bisexuality under the definition, it is not the norm.

There always will be experimentation and transitional phases, but a bisexual isn't inherently any wilder, freakier or less stable than anyone else.

They are capable of being involved with only one person at a time or ever. Their swimming in both ends of the pool does not require a multiplicity of sexual behavior, merely that they are attracted to both men and women.

2. Bisexuality is not a legitimate, separate orientation.

As per the conversation with my roommate at the beginning, there is a pervasive discrimination against bisexuals, even from those who are completely accepting of homosexuality.

Falling into two categories, this myth is most prevalent. Proponents of the fiction argue either: "bisexuals aren't different from homosexuals" or, paradoxically, "bisexuals don't exist."

The former reflects a general lack of distinction toward out-groups: People are white or non-white, American or foreign, straight or not. It results from a need to distinguish oneself from another, less influential group.

The latter, though, is a peculiar phenomenon seeping through the cracks in the craniums of people all over and causing me to slap my forehead in dumbfoundedness. How many other minority groups have to prove their very existence?

"Either it's a straight person experimenting or a gay person who can't come out of the closet yet," a graduate student once told me, "you're one way or the other, there's no third option, it's just lying to yourself."

All things fall into black or white categories, according to this mindset. Apparently I missed the day in shop class when we learned this.

Consider it this way: Say you like Rage Against the Machine. Your bedroom walls are covered in Zach de la Rocha posters. Is it impossible for you to still enjoy Neil Diamond? Lord no. "Sweet Caroline" is amazing.

They're different, true. And your appreciation may be permanent or transitory. They may also be of varying intensities, but there is no reason you can't dig both a lot.

3. Bisexuals get the benefits of playing both teams. Succinctly: buzz, wrong answer. A topic of great controversy within the GLBT community is this anti-bi sentiment from gays and lesbians. "Trendy fence hoppers" and other snappy terms describe the feelings of a significant portion.

Their concerns are understandable -- they think bi folk walk easily between two worlds, blending in whenever it's convenient. Jealousy has been founded on weaker arguments.

Nonetheless, the reality is different. Despite having to face anti-gay discrimination, bisexuals do not get the consolation of unlimited romantic opportunities.

Many people (of all other orientations) have commented that they wouldn't actually date a bisexual. Part of that goes back to the aforesaid fear of bi- promiscuity. Yes, they have more potential partners with whom to be unfaithful, but cheating is cheating.

All totaled up, it appears bisexuals are not nearly as dangerous as many think, nor probably as interesting.

But if this column accomplishes a thing, I hope all of you weighing alternatives, hiding parts of yourself or unsure of your orientation learn there's another option. You don't have to be one or the other, you can be something entirely different: your own damn self. That's way better.

As usual, e-mail any questions, observations, retaliation and death threats to sexpert@dailynebraskan.com.

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