Now, Sen. Mello is a nice guy, and I was genuinely glad to see him running, although it wasn’t in my district. So I accepted the friend request. This opened the floodgates, and since then all sorts of people I haven’t seen or talked to since May 25, 1998 – Gretna High School graduation day – have been requesting to be my friend.
I’m honestly baffled. I wouldn’t think I’m a good candidate for “friending.” After all, don’t friends keep in touch? I assuredly didn’t. In addition, some of the people “friending” me were no more than acquaintances in high school, faces in the hall I said hello to, but didn’t see outside the institution.
To make matters more complicated, I find that I and my current group of self-selected Facebook friends aren’t like my old high school classmates. First of all, I’m not married, or divorced. I’m not even engaged. I don’t have kids and I don’t plan to have kids anytime soon.
I’m still in college. Those of my classmates who chose practical professions like teachers and nurses and have been out for years. Most still live in Gretna or Omaha, and they see each other often. They make casseroles to take to church, take their kids trick-or-treating and teach clarinet. There’s nothing wrong with that – I just can’t relate to any of it.
A few weeks ago I posted what I thought was a fairly whiney and innocuous status update: “Why am I here?”
What followed was a cheerfully morbid musing on the lack of purpose in life.
L: “I’m here to get a degree, so I can make money, so I can have an easy life. But why? What’s my purpose?”
Me: “Oh, well, not to be depressing, but I suspect none of us actually have a purpose – at least not imposed from without – but we can create a purpose from within if we want to.”
L: “I agree – none of us have a real purpose. We exist because something has to.”
E: “I am having a throw-your-hands-up-and-shout ‘meaninglessness!’ kind of day myself.”
R: “Hurray for questioning the meaning of life. I’m rather fond of the Kurt Vonnegut explanation: We’re here to fart around, don’t let anybody tell you different.”
J: “Only what can exist does exist. If nothing existed there would be no notions of existence, therefore the concept of discussing non-existence is illogical.”
This went on until a friend from high school, Nancy (name changed), chimed in: “Do any of you have children? Billy is my reason for getting up in the morning… he makes the sun rise I swear. And do any of you believe in God? This life is hell! I can’t wait to go live with my maker in heaven. When my purpose is fulfilled in this life I will go one to another and live for ever in the most wonderful place, for that I am grateful!”
Well, it went downhill from there, with talk of God and hell and traded accusations of depression, ignorance, cruelty, primitive clinging to superstition, hopelessness, damnation and even one “village idiot” reference.
Naturally, I was somewhat surprised to log on to Facebook the next morning and find my naive question had generated 34 responses. Facebook is not anonymous, which generally makes it a more cordial place than most of our raging internet message boards. You have to own what you say, thus the site is well self-policed.
However, I was not surprised to learn that my new friends – college intellectuals of a liberal, sometimes radical, and almost always outspoken bent – did not get along with my old high school classmates – a fairly normal, conservative lot in general.
I asked my high school classmates why they wanted to “friend” me ten years on. To date the only response I have is that I am “a fairly difficult person to keep in touch with,” which begs the question as to why you want to keep in touch with me at all.
The key thing to keep in mind is that people change. A relationship that ends, be it a working partnership, friendship, or marriage, is not a failure. We don’t all have to be “BFF’s” for the rest of our lives.
We can’t expect our friends to be the same person tomorrow as they are today. Please learn and grow. This is a good thing.
My high school friends are not the carefree teenagers I remember. They are stable, happy (as far as I can tell) parents, wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, musicians, doctors, nurses, and, yes, even one state senator.
I’m not the nerdy, impatient, cynical, 17-year-old atheist who hated school as they might remember. (At least, I hope not.) The people I’ve met and the friends I’ve made, on Facebook and elsewhere, reflect a widening diversity of people.
So to all my Facebook friends: Debate, discuss, disagree, but please don’t fight. The mud-slinging ruins my morning coffee.
Monica Sanford is a graduate student in Architecture and Community and Regional Planning. Reach her at monicasanford@dailynebraskan.com.
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