ROOT: Don’t dwell on breakups

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." -Samuel Butler

"Love stinks, yeah, yeah." –J. Geils

Breakups suck. This applies to most human beings who enjoy not sobbing their eyes out, cutting themselves off from the world and generally being miserable. Frankly, there is no bigger time-waster than getting over someone. So much time goes into being angsty and pissed off, I shudder to count the hours. That's not to say that this process isn't necessary, it's just a pain in the ass. If I wanted my heart cut out, I'd visit a third-rate cardiac surgeon.

Don't get me wrong, dating can be very enjoyable. Doing something fun with someone you're attracted to and who finds you attractive is a wonderful way to spend a Friday night. Finding that special someone who you can joke with, flirt with, relate to, go on crazy midnight adventures with is an amazing experience. Discovering that someone from a vastly different background isn't so different than you is a momentous event. And who doesn't love a pleasant surprise? Dating is a way of finding out if you can spend the better part of your existence with someone. That's the dream, anyway. 

Breakups are the death of that dream. All that information you acquired while talking, is useless now, the name of his or her fish, for example. It is also the death of all those romantic feelings you had. The worst part is that you put yourself out there, absolutely vulnerable, and it wasn't good enough.

Not so long ago, a good guy friend and I were agonizing about our relationships. We chatted for what could have easily been several hours in my car. First he vented his frustrations to me. His girlfriend had yet again failed to produce the rent money. Even though it was through a series of very, very understandable but extremely unfortunate circumstances, he was upset by her lackadaisical attitude.

Then it was my turn to vent. And I asked a question for the ages. "How do you breakup with a guy who you can't get a hold of?"

"Why do you need to get a hold of him?" he asked.

"He owes me ten bucks and has my copy of ‘1984'," I said. And I had things I wanted to say. Things I needed to say for the sake of closure and my peace of mind. Short of doing something insanely drastic, I wasn't sure what to do.

He considered it carefully. "Call his number from a different phone."

Hmm … I thought about it. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. It didn't sit right with me. So instead, I called up my favorite advice columnist and left a message for his podcast. 
All the while, I made excuses up for the guy. Maybe someone in his family had died. Maybe he his phone was on the fritz. Maybe he was on vacation. Or maybe he was a spy for the CIA and was off on a mission: He certainly was quiet enough. Having a vivid imagination can sometimes work against you.

So for several weeks, I agonized over what I should do. I went to work, wrote, hung out with friends and eventually, I found that I rarely thought about him at all. In fact, I no longer cared.

"If he wanted to talk to me, he'd call me," I thought and felt an enormous weight lift from my shoulders. But a small sadness sunk in, I felt like I'd failed and that I'd given up.

I remembered the words of my good guy friend: "A relationship that falls apart is not a failure. It is a recognition that it was not meant to be in that way. Many relationships continue even after ‘the break,' but they continue as great friendships so long as both sides are willing to agree to disagree."

True enough. Had I not dated this guy, I might not have found out some very important things. I might never have read "Watchmen," and more likely than not, gone to the midnight showing of the movie. Nor would I have the knowledge that I'm "like Rorschach crazy." I'm not one hundred percent sure he meant by that. And I certainly wouldn't have an appreciation for "nice guys." Yes, they do exist. But perhaps most important out of this is the fact that I learned I can comfortably date outside my religious viewpoint, socio-economic class and that I can get along with a conservative republican.

I'm just glad he showed his true colors before I got much more emotionally invested. Crayola would call it "yellow-bellied coward."

And it was after this realization that I got an unexpected response from my favorite advice columnist/podcaster, Dan Savage. While I didn't get to talk to him directly (if I had, I would've danced around and giggled wildly), he assured me of what I already knew. "It's over. … You're rid of him." Thanks, Dan. 

Breakups hurt, there's no getting around it. And while I'd love to get an explanation or a peek inside my ex's head, it's not going to change anything. In the end, all you can do is mourn your loss and move on. Maybe you learned a few things and came out with some interesting experiences.

Mostly, I laugh softly and say, "Next, please."

Rhiannon Root is a sophomore journalism major. Reach her at rhiannonroot@dailynebraska.com.