MASON: Babies definitely aren’t for everyone

I found a baby on campus last week. He had jet black hair and was dressed in blue with a blue blanket. I found him amongst a crowd of people somewhere between the J School and the Union. For two hours, I traveled back and forth between the two buildings asking everyone if he was his or her baby. Finally, I took him to the Union and asked an administrator what to do. They told me I could keep the baby. I was ecstatic, and for a few seconds, I was bonded with my bundle of joy. Then his mother came and took him away. I was devastated.

That's where I woke up. Babies. They've been on my mind lately. This isn't the first dream I've had about baby boys dressed in blue either. The last one featured a bleeding baby, surrounded by a crowd of people. No one would touch him because he was sick with a deadly illness that transferred through blood. So, I scooped the baby up and took him to the ambulance.

I have friends younger than me that have two and three children. This coming fall I will be a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's weddings. She too can't wait to start her own family. I've even had a roommate who had a young daughter.

Last month, at a baby shower, I was brought to tears at the sight of my friend's belly. The same friend brought me to tears again last week as she expressed the bond she felt with her unborn daughter and the fear she had for giving birth and losing that bond.

I've never wanted children. Every name I'd ever think of naming a human, I've given to a cat. Nothing about having a baby has ever appealed to me. First, it would grow inside of me like a parasite for months. Stretching out my skin and making me fat. Then, when it takes all it can from me, it will painfully force its way out. Next, it would demand around the clock attention until it was old enough to begin fending for itself. Finally, when it decides it doesn't need me anymore, it will leave and only call me when it needs money. Babies turn into people! Real, live people with opinions that differ from mine and their own agenda.

I had a plant once. My cat ate it. Then my cat got sick. I cursed my cat while cleaning up the soil and partially digested aloe plant. He just stared at me and threw up again. Add a baby into that mix and who knows who will eat who or what and whom I'll have to take to the emergency room.

I just don't think it's a good idea.

I can't deny the dreams though and the urges to coddle every child coming into my work are getting hard to ignore.

I have such strong feelings towards not having a baby that I can't understand why someone would. Though my heart skips a beat at every chubby faced mini-me, the logic against baby-making seems to far outweigh the maternal instincts.

I'm the odd man out though. Across my Facebook is a constant stream of pictures: Madden, Elijah, Lyla, River, Phoenix, Cyndralynn, Mack, Miles, Silas , Quinn, C, Derek, H aven, Emma and so many more. The status updates about never sleeping, doctors appointments and running out of diapers are outweighed by the constant mobile uploads of happy babies – that bring joy just by existing. The friends of mine who don't have children all want them someday. I can't imagine why.

I asked my friends about their motherhood. I received many different answers. Some had struggled with postpartum depression while others are currently struggling with being single moms. A couple admitted to pondering what life would be like without their little one(s), but all had one common theme: It makes them a better person and they wouldn't trade it for the world.

While I can't imagine life with a tiny human, my mothered friends can't imagine life without one.

Nature wants me to have babies. I understand that. The reason humans like sex is in part nature's way of producing more offspring. But my feelings aren't carnal. I'm not any more desirous of men than normal. My feelings are emotional, simple, gentle…

Maternal. But with all their cuteness and all my instincts, my personal truths and logic are trumping everything else.