Chicken Wing

Ander Christensen is a hero. 

With his lanky build, middle part and business casual outfit, he may seem like the furthest thing from Clark Kent or Steve Rogers. But in a mere two minutes and six seconds, the wisdom he imparts is astounding. 

On Aug. 31, Christensen stood confidently before the Lincoln City Council members and called them to action. He proposed that the people of Lincoln remove the name “boneless wings” from their menus and their hearts.

Christensen’s compelling argument is just what the world needs and the way he courageously stands up for what he believes in is beyond inspiring.

His argument is valid — “boneless wings” is a misnomer that has unfortunately become normalized by our society — and chickens deserve to have their anatomy correctly identified if we want to keep consuming them. 

I’ve always considered so-called boneless wings to simply be a marketing scam. Restaurants make chicken tenders only accessible to those under the age of 12, and say that real adults eat their chicken in wing form. So how is it that a buffalo sauce covered chicken tender managed to make its way onto the more mature — and more expensive — page of menus? I’m delighted to know that a man like Christensen is working to rectify this injustice. 

Christensen did more than just complain to the councilmen, he came equipped with a solution — renaming “boneless wings” to something more appropriate. Christensen’s creative list of suggestions really shows how driven he is to solve this issue. There’s the internet’s favorite “saucy nugs,”  a more traditional “buffalo style chicken tenders,” the exotic-sounding “wet wings” and, for extremists, “trash.”

With more than five million views on Twitter, national news headlines and “saucy nugs” t-shirts, righting the wrongs of bar and restaurant menus across the country has become a movement we can all get behind. Forget politics, religion and whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza, we can all agree that chicken wings don’t deserve to have “boneless” knock-offs riding their coattails. At last, we have a social justice issue without bitter and divisive debate, all thanks to one passionate Nebraskan. 

Maybe petitioning the government to stop the use of the term “boneless wings” is a silly waste of time. The world faces much bigger problems than this. 

But Christensen sets an admirable example. He’s firm and unwavering as he stands up for what he believes in. He put time and effort into creating an evocative speech to capture the minds and hearts of those attending last Monday’s City Council meeting — as well as everyone on Twitter. Christensen came prepared, armed with several alternatives with which to replace the vile “boneless wings” monomer. He exercised his Constitutional right to petition the government, respectfully urging those in power to make a change. 

Quite frankly, I think that the world needed something to laugh at. The writers of NBC’s "Parks and Recreation" couldn’t have dreamed up a funnier public forum. 

As irrelevant and unnecessary as his anti-boneless wings battle may seem, I firmly believe that Christensen’s example is far more admirable than that of any comic book hero. When did Iron Man ever address his city council?

Chloe Herbert is a freshman. Reach her at chloeherbert@dailynebraskan.com.