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On Oct. 9, Lincoln's City Council and the Lancaster County Commissioner voted to approve a suicide prevention grant focused at gay and lesbian youth.
The approval of this much-needed grant has in no way rendered the issue moot. The opposition to the grant from Councilwoman Robin Eschliman and Commissioner Bob Workman has fueled an ongoing debate. For weeks the debate has been playing out in editorial cartoons and letters to the editor and will, no doubt, continue on for some time.
Why?
Why would such a small grant focused on suicide prevention for an at-risk population cause so much controversy? At its core, is this debate over how to define "traditional family values" or is it simple politics?
If it were a debate of the meaning of traditional family values, I would ignore it; it's a debate with no real purpose and no conclusion. If it were simply politics, I would tell people to vote against Workman in the upcoming election and against Eschliman when she comes up for re-election in a couple years.
However, neither of these are suitable solutions. The problem does not lie in definitions or politics. It's a problem ultimately born out of a lack of understanding.
Those who voted against this grant and those who continue to speak out against it are not gay. They did not grow up gay. They don't understand, and, as with any issue, if you don't understand, it's hard to care.
People can be fed statistics - the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates that gay and lesbian youth suicides account for as much as 30 percent of youth suicides each year, but until they find the human side of the issue, statistics are meaningless.
I grew up in rural Nebraska, and knowing that I was gay, I dealt with many of the issues that lead to the high numbers of gay youth suicides. I felt alone. I was isolated. I was scared of rejection and being ostracized. I wanted to fit in and knew that I didn't. Worst of all, there was absolutely no one I could talk to about these issues.
When I finally did tell my family, they did not reject me, which I had spent so much time fearing. Instead, it was treated as a problem that must be corrected. I spent the next year in counseling and religious instruction with my pastor. My family had the best intentions, but the experience left me just as dangerously depressed - I felt that society, religion and my own family were pressing down on me.
I had come out, but I felt just as alone and scared and sad as I ever had.
These feelings and realities never culminated in me attempting suicide. They did lead to a lot of self-destructive behavior that I dealt with for a long time. Fortunately, when things were at their worst for me, I left for college and came into a much more accepting environment. But it doesn't take much to be more accepting than my small Nebraska hometown.
Even living in a more open environment did not help to dissipate the fears that controlled my life for years. If it had not been for the understanding of many amazing people who came into my life, I would, no doubt, still be on the same self-destructive path.
This is not everyone's story. This is only my personal story. But, even as such, it has worth, as do all the other stories of gay youth growing up alone and scared, often with thoughts of suicide looming over them. These are the stories of far too many of my friends. The stories of people who are successful and well-adjusted on the surface but hide years of pain, marginalization and rejection underneath.
It's hard to tell these stories. They take you back to times that are easily ignored. If it weren't for someone very close to me telling me his story, I don't know if I would've had the courage to put my story out into the public space. But stories have power and need to be told for others to understand.
If even one person's story is different - is a story of acceptance and empowerment - then the programming this grant would bring is needed and worthwhile.
It's not enough to tell politicians what they are promoting is neither traditional nor a family value. Sometimes statistics, facts and logic fall on deaf ears and closed eyes. Perhaps where these fail, personal stories and experiences will be heard and people will understand what exactly they are voting and speaking out against.
