I had intended to write an optimistic column this week. Instead of finding faults in current issues, I wanted to focus on something beautiful, elegant and profound.
But, as usual, humanity never fails to disappoint.
Catholic dioceses around the world have brought something back – and unfortunately, it's not sexy. Indulgences are making a resurgence as the quickest way to get into heaven. No frills and no questions, just a little blind faith.
Before I embark upon this latest diatribe, a little explaining is in order. Part of Catholic doctrine states that in order for a person to enter heaven, many will have to spend a little time in purgatory first. Purgatory works off your sins until your soul has been scrubbed free of all the bad stuff.
The Catholic Church has always looked for ways to make a quick buck. And exploiting people's fear of spending a hell of a long time in purgatory offered an enticing proposition. Indulgences became a commodity that anyone could buy that would supposedly knock off a few years that they would have spent in purgatory.
The revenue from indulgences went to a variety of pet projects for the Church. Inevitably, corruption leaked into the practice, forming the basis for Martin Luther's 95 theses and eventually, the Protestant schism.
You know, all that stuff you learned in Western Civ class.
Fast forward through a few pissed off Germans, some excommunications and hundreds of years of animosity and you get to the Second Vatican Council in 1962. Vatican II made some stark changes to Catholic doctrine, and indulgences were all but erased.
But according to a Feb. 10 New York Times article, indulgences are back and just as big of a rip off as before. Rest assured, the sins you've committed are easy to bypass with just a few good deeds and the blessings of the Church.
To the credit of the Catholics, they're not actually selling indulgences this time around. Instead, you earn them through regular confession coupled with good deeds. I'm all for people acting like better human beings, but do we really need indulgences to accomplish this?
According to the New York Times article, the vast majority of practicing Catholics had absolutely no clue what an indulgence even was. Some understood the concept but were unaware that dioceses brought it back. But after some quick education, a few are now excited at the prospects, like Octavia Andrade from Queens:
"Anything old coming back, I'm in favor of it. More fervor is a good thing."
If Andrade automatically equates old with good then I'm sure she would love for the Catholic Church to put the mass back into Latin. She'd be excited to sit through the service with her priest's back turned toward her. She must have a strong desire to revisit the Friday fasting rituals long abandoned by the actions of Vatican II.
After all, old is good.
Why has the Catholic Church brought indulgences back? Is there so much sin in this world that a Catholic "get out of jail free" card has become necessary? Are people gullible enough to clamor for a bill of sale for time off in the afterlife?
As Gob Bluth of Arrested Development would say: Come on!
Indulgences won't wipe sin off this earth, they'll only provide people with false hope. And without a signature from the Big Guy upstairs on one of these things, I'm not convinced that they'll really do as the Church promises.
The character of your soul should determine your passage into heaven, not the word of a piece of paper.
Indulgences brought the Catholic Church to the breaking point and forever altered the course of Christianity. They corrupted the most powerful figures of this religion and ushered in the most radical ideas concerning doctrine. They tore the fabric of tradition in favor of active Christian philosophy.
Will someone explain why we are opening up Pandora's Box again? Why bring this outdated and exhausted concept back from the dead? Do contemporary Catholics really believe that going to confession once a year and helping their neighbor take out the garbage is enough to shed a few years off their time in purgatory? I'll give them a little more credit than that.
I'm certainly no fan of Protestantism, nor am I a Christian, but "buying" your way into heaven is contrary to what being a Christian should be about. Buying into this crap is a risky proposition, one that's best left untouched. Stick with the Hail Marys instead.
But if you're still not convinced that indulgences are better used as toilet paper than proof of salvation, then get one for your significant other for Valentine's Day. Nothing says "I love you" more than a couple years off of the blistering pain and torture of damnation in purgatory.
Kyle Citta is a Junior English, History and pre-med major. Reach him at kylecitta@dailynebraskan.com.



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45 comments
2. Indulgences are not bought or paid for, i.e. no money changes hands. They are lovely devotional practices.
3. The requirement of going to confession once a year is NOT an indulgence. It is a requirement. We're all sinners. If someone has gone a fully year without going to confession, I suspect they did not do a thorough examination of conscience each day.
The close-minded perspective of this article saddens me. Most of the time, simply knowing facts about spirituality is not sufficient. In order to understand spiritual truths, it takes understanding of the heart and often this type of understanding (wisdom may be an easier word to describe this?) is not able to be put into words.
I'm first of all saddened that you didn't take the time to know what indulgences were factually. They do not stand on their own but go into the context of a great deal of theological thought on freewill, sin and its consequences, confession, and God's great mercy. They are not written on slips of paper.
Secondly, I'm saddened that you wrote this article thinking your knowledge (however flawed it may have been) would be sufficient in the first place to truly understand Catholocism. It takes years of prayer and small revelations to be able to see these truths clearly. I'll be praying for you that through this experience, you will be able to grow in humility and charity.
So, I will try again. So if you are reading this, the second attempt worked out.
I hope that at some point in your education you learn about comma splices and the correct spelling of tertiary.