To the beloved actor, Will Arnett:
I love your work and let me begin by saying, Annyong!
But I would like to make a request that you stop being such a bitch about the “Arrested Development” (AD) movie. These constant rumors about the production, that have intensified over the last year, have put a strain on all of us fans. This constant pirouetting between the film being a reality and just a pipe dream are taking a toll on my mental health.
So I would ask you to please quit toying with mine and about 17 other people’s emotions.
It’s no secret that AD wasn’t the most popular show. It aired for only three seasons, and the show barely survived each year. But six Emmy awards and a Golden Globe have to count for something. Not to mention the fans, whose blind allegiance to the show is unparalleled. The least the cast could do is give us one last guffaw.
That much is as Ann as the nose on Plain’s face.
And yet, a recent report by the New York Daily News found that it was you, Mr. Arnett, who seems to be holding up the process. Instead of pushing this movie along you’ve been distracted with another show by AD creator Mitch Hurwitz. You claim that the movie will happen, but not as soon as everyone would like.
No one can blame you for prioritizing your future. Since AD’s cancellation, your career has been blossoming with major features and about a million guest spots on “30 Rock.” But don’t you miss the laughter? Oh God, how they used to laugh with you.
Or at you.
So what is it going to take to get you on board? What’s it going to take for you to be as determined as the rest of cast? Do you think you’re just some guy in a $4,000 suit who thinks he can hold up production on the greatest movie to ever be made for a bunch of fans who don’t make that in four months?
Come on!
And so, devoted fans find themselves in a seeming wasteland of broadcast television with nothing to fill the void. A wasteland that lauds garbage like “Two and a Half Men” as the best series on television. A wasteland where CSI: Grand Island seems to be the next logical step. A wasteland where “30 Rock” barely registers on the Nielsen ratings.
And we must inevitably ask ourselves: Is this what it’s come to? Are we all slowlywasting away in front of Charlie Sheen giving another crappy one-liner that we saw coming a week ago? Is there no intellectual stimulation like the witticisms of AD to satisfy us?
Come on AD, don’t leave your uncle tea bag hanging.
Of course, don’t call it that.
“30 Rock” may be able to fill the shoes left by this comedic splendor. Unfortunately, the show only seems to be gaining traction because of Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin impersonations during the campaign season. Although brilliant, the newbies who tune in to see Liz Lemon’s exploits might find themselves a little lost. Jokes based around incompetent doctors named Spaceman (pronounced Spuh-cheh-min), thinly veiled Bush Administration metaphors and Internet memes can be hard to follow.
The fear is that the jokes on “30 Rock,” like AD, are brilliant, but many take a little extra thinking to understand. And -- being hearty Americans -- thinking is the last thing we seem to be good at, or want to do. If people aren’t willing to work for some of the jokes that pay themselves off in spades, then “30 Rock” might be in the same place as AD.
But even the lowbrow jokes seem to have a veneer of wit. Like when Fey’s character asks Tracy Morgan’s character if he’s ready for Larry King Live:
“You know it. I cursed for three hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.”
This is why we need an “Arrested Development” movie. We need to relive the hilarious exploits of the Bluth family as the only sane son, Michael, tries to reclaim the prestige of the family’s name. And we need you Mr. Arnett, we need you to portray Gob Bluth whose work as a magician leaves something to be desired. And who rode a segway years before it was cool.
What other show can make something like an incestuous attraction between cousins so funny?
Will Arnett, speaking for the handful of AD fans out there, we beg of you to take the film seriously. Bring laughter back to the dystopian landscape of television sitcoms. Even if it’s just for a 90-minute film, it would quench the thirst for one of the greatest television shows of all time. Bring back the laughter Mr.Arnett; taste the happy.
If you don’t, you’ll have made a huge mistake.
Kyle Citta is a senior inside joke major. Reach him at kylecitta@dailynebraskan.com
