BOLTON: Tweeting experiences prevents having them

Twitter is simple: 140 Characters and one question: What are you doing?

The Facebook status begs the same question: What's on your mind? 

Well, Facebook and Twitter, what I'm doing is attempting to assess the severity of my social networking addiction. And, once the analysis is through, I am confident my status will read: Erin has commenced addiction recovery and rehab.  

As addictions often do, this one snuck up on me. I realize making this statement won't help my case, but I justified spending hours on social networking Web sites because I don't own a television. Somehow, rationalizing the substitution of one mind-numbing activity for another "social" brain fog makes sense.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, I suppose. In all seriousness, it is unacceptable for me to check my social networks the moment I wake up in the morning. Worst of all, when I return home after a night out on O Street. Just say no to drunk Facebooking, people.

On the surface, Facebook is seemingly harmless and I held out from joining for years. I even believe that I would have avoided this terrible habit had it not been for the status feature.

Honestly, I delight in knowing what my friends are up to and the minute details and endearing idiosyncrasies that make up their daily experience. After all, if I recall from English Comp 101, great storytelling hinges on resonate sensory details. 

I enjoy reading that my friend, Mitch, is smiling, having a great day or that the love of my life, Chris, is en route to Nebraska for a weekend visit—regardless of the fact that I already knew he had a layover in Chicago because, well, he's en route to visit me and I'll be picking him up in Omaha two hours later.

Aside from virtually catching up with friends, I entertain myself with status updates from those individuals who are merely acquaintances. I have three favorite types of statuses. Well, favorites in that, while I find them ridiculous, they make me giggle. 

The first favorite is the passive aggressive status:

"Jill thinks that if people are mad at her they should tell her to her face!"

Okay Jill, I hope you understand the beautiful hypocrisy in that statement.  
The cliché: "Jamie is."

Ontologically insightful? Hmm… If I had a dime for every time I read that one…

Then there is my favorite type of all—the dramatic: "Jim is moving on. Expecting more of everything. Pain. Joy. Hate. Love. I regret nothing, am nothing, have nothing."

Wow. Please be more emo, it's great!

Although I changed the names of the individuals, what does not change is the entertainment value of their statements, save for the cliché perhaps (although, pose the cliché status to a Philosophy class, and the entertainment value has the potential to rise exponentially). 

Apparently I'm not the only person with this elusive, social networking habit. Actually, there are a few US Senators who are known for their Twittering (or tweeting?), namely Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill. 

During the Feb. 26th episode of the Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert elaborated on the reporting that a number of US Senators were Twittering during President Obama's Congressional Speech on Feb. 24th. Claire McCaskill claimed that she was not Twittering during the President's speech posting on her Twitter: "Ok ok. Mom's upset that I was rude at Pres speech re:tweets. For the record I tweeted bfor, at very begining, & after speech. I wanted to listen."

Well, thanks to Colbert's superior investigatory journalism, Sen. McCaskill was proven to have actually Twittered 9 minutes into the President's speech, thus rendering her prior claim false. Colbert banned McCaskill from all social networking sites, except Friendster.

McCaskill responded in stride the following morning via Twitter of course: "Colbert last night... picky picky picky. He doesn't realize that when the Pres speaks for 9 min it seems like 30 sec. Mom loved her face time."

Well, in the Feb. 26th segment, Stephen Colbert remarked, "Friends are what you used to have before you joined Twitter."

Case and point: John Mayer. According to an article published by UK's Telegraph on March 24th, Jennifer Aniston reportedly ended her relationship with Mayer over his unrestrained Twitter usage. Mayer was allegedly avoiding Aniston, claiming he had no time to contact her, while somehow having the time to make multiple, dare I say excessive, updates on Twitter.

The article ends quoting Mayer's Twitter update posted shortly after Aniston's supposed break-up call: ‘This heart didn't come with instructions.' 

Instructions John Mayer? Let's attempt common sense when it comes to choosing social networking (specifically your Twitter ‘followers') over important people in your life.

Colbert's statement and Mayer's relationship issues bring to light the absurdity of a culture warped into believing that the measure of our social lives lies in the number of Facebook friends or Twitter followers we have reading our updates about drinking coffee and nursing our hangovers.

So, then, what are you doing? That's a great question as it is precisely what I am asking myself. 

Am I wasting my life typing about what I'm doing or am I actually living it? 

Well, what I'm doing is not only turning off my laptop and moving on with my day, but I'm also going to refrain from updating the social networking world about it (rather, I'm publishing it in the DN).

Erin Bolton is a graduate student studying Community and Regional Planning. Reach her at erinbolton@dailynebraskan.com.