Angela Rose sang as she walked to her car. She had left work early and later said she felt happy to be alive - when something made her stop in her tracks.
Rose saw a man standing about 20 feet behind her, and she blushed, embarrassed he'd heard her singing. But as she put her keys in the car door, the man grabbed her from behind and put a knife to her throat.
That was the day Rose was kidnapped and sexually assaulted. Years later, Rose founded Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment, or PAVE, a Chicago-based victim advocacy group. Rose hopes to raise awareness about sexual violence and the many misconceptions about what rape is and how to prevent it.
Rose shares the story of her assault to fight ignorance about what qualifies as assault and what people can do to get help, but stresses her experience is the exception, not the rule.
"The stranger assault, the knife to the throat (are) all the things you think of when you think of sexual assault, but that's not the norm," Rose said. "It's overwhelmingly somebody that we know and trust, without a weapon, without a knife."
She said even if a victim's life is not threatened during an assault, it is still rape. Any penetration or sexual contact without free consent is illegal, according to Nebraska law.
"Consent is a freely given yes, not the absence of a no," Rose said.
Even if alcohol or drugs are involved, no consent still means sexual assault.
"Just because someone consents to drinking or taking drugs doesn't mean they consent to sex," said Marla, the victims advocate at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln's Women's Center.
But when a victim's memory is blurred from date rape drugs or alcohol - the most common substances involved in sexual assaults - he or she may discount the assault and not report the crime.
Survivors who don't report an assault often ignore the experience and may later develop depression and anxiety, said Jan Deeds, assistant director for the Women's Center.
Survivors' silence may keep others in the dark about the risks and realities of sexual violence, Marla said.
She said it's important to listen to your instincts to avoid dangerous situations.
"It's not about learning how to fight, but learning how to protect yourself and create distance," said Joe Morris of Omaha, who is the husband of a rape survivor. "A comb to the nose hurts like hell ... Stomping on the edge of the foot to break the small toe hurts like hell. Little things like that to create distance raise your percentage of getting away."
If an assault does happen, the Women's Center welcomes survivors to use its resources to work through recovery.
"We'll help you figure (things) out, and we will never make fun of you and say you're overreacting," Deeds said. "We trust you."
When victims report an assault, Marla's job is to support and work with them She works with the UNL's Office of Judicial Affairs, legal services and University Police to accommodate victims' needs - including helping them obtain a protection order or legal action.
Counseling and Psychological Services and a 24-hour hot line are also available through the Voices of Hope organization at 475-7273.
"Sometimes if you're recovering from this kind of trauma, (at) 3 o'clock in the morning you might need to talk to somebody," Deeds said. "Marla's not here in the Women's Center at 3 o'clock in the morning, but there's somebody on the crisis line 24 hours a day."
There are local and national organizations, such as PAVE and Take Back the Night, that are dedicated to supporting victims, raising awareness and preventing sexual violence.
"(There's) relief (in) knowing you're not the only person that's had this experience and that there are resources for it, there are people who care, there are people on campus who care, people in the community who care," Deeds said. "We can help you heal from the experience."
andreavasquez@dailynebraskan.com
Be aware
Know your surroundings and possible escape routes.
Listen
Avoid walking with both headphones in or while talking on the phone.
Stay in the open
Avoid isolated areas. On campus, stay on routes with blue lights.
Walk with purpose
Act like you have somewhere to be and someone to meet.
Trust your gut
Don't ignore any unusual feelings of danger or discomfort.
Be prepared
Always carry a charged cell phone and cab money.
