2008 Woodie Awards
Lincoln needs Batman
Sarah Melecki
Issue date: 7/28/08 Section: Opinion
I wish Lincoln was Gotham City. Not so much for the bank heists, explosions and the public shootings.
More for the parts with Christian Bale speeding through town as a winged warrior, saving us all from evil-doers. And I suspect that many Lincolnites would love to have Batman running around Lincoln, too. After all, he is filthy rich, he does the work of thirty police officers and he doesn't take a salary.
Plus he's smokin' hot.
Did you know that Lincoln has one of the smallest police forces (per capita) of any city in the nation? Maybe you didn't, because for the most part, our police do a great job. After all, it's still big news when someone gets murdered here.
Even though we've been able to keep violent crimes fairly low, we still have assault, robbery, even the occasional arson as normal occurrences. And where small crime thrives, larger crime begins to grow. Thus, Lincolnites need to find a way to continue to reduce the number of small crimes.
But how can we do such a thing? Our city budget is in terrible shape, no one wants to pay more taxes, and the Police Department has already cut every possible program they can, and then some. But, good readers, in the eternal words of that thoughtful District Attorney from Gotham City, Harvey Dent, "The night is always darkest just before the dawn."
Lincoln is in the dark period before the dawn. The dawn of Batman, that is. That's right, what we need is our very own Bruce Wayne. A caped vigilante for justice running down O Street taking out every bike stealing, vandalizing, little punk this city has. We need a man who is so strong that he doesn't bother to carry a gun.
Why would he? He's Batman.
We need a man who is so fearless that he will rid our streets of the prostitutes, gangs and arsonists we have running around before the Joker or Two Face ever decide to come.
But most of all, we need a man with a trust fund so we don't have to raise our taxes to actually pay for a safer city. You see, we have decided that it is far more important to show off our wealth than to put it towards useful things, like improving our education system to ensure our children don't have to look to crime for a future, or a little extra in taxes to keep cops on the beat.
More for the parts with Christian Bale speeding through town as a winged warrior, saving us all from evil-doers. And I suspect that many Lincolnites would love to have Batman running around Lincoln, too. After all, he is filthy rich, he does the work of thirty police officers and he doesn't take a salary.
Plus he's smokin' hot.
Did you know that Lincoln has one of the smallest police forces (per capita) of any city in the nation? Maybe you didn't, because for the most part, our police do a great job. After all, it's still big news when someone gets murdered here.
Even though we've been able to keep violent crimes fairly low, we still have assault, robbery, even the occasional arson as normal occurrences. And where small crime thrives, larger crime begins to grow. Thus, Lincolnites need to find a way to continue to reduce the number of small crimes.
But how can we do such a thing? Our city budget is in terrible shape, no one wants to pay more taxes, and the Police Department has already cut every possible program they can, and then some. But, good readers, in the eternal words of that thoughtful District Attorney from Gotham City, Harvey Dent, "The night is always darkest just before the dawn."
Lincoln is in the dark period before the dawn. The dawn of Batman, that is. That's right, what we need is our very own Bruce Wayne. A caped vigilante for justice running down O Street taking out every bike stealing, vandalizing, little punk this city has. We need a man who is so strong that he doesn't bother to carry a gun.
Why would he? He's Batman.
We need a man who is so fearless that he will rid our streets of the prostitutes, gangs and arsonists we have running around before the Joker or Two Face ever decide to come.
But most of all, we need a man with a trust fund so we don't have to raise our taxes to actually pay for a safer city. You see, we have decided that it is far more important to show off our wealth than to put it towards useful things, like improving our education system to ensure our children don't have to look to crime for a future, or a little extra in taxes to keep cops on the beat.
Viewing Comments 1 - 5 of 5
insurance phoenix
posted 7/28/08 @ 9:51 AM CST
It's a great movie but I am not sure any city could afford all the damage he causes in this movie. He runs over buildings, destroying some, causing dozens of car crashes. (Continued…)
Shari
posted 7/28/08 @ 7:40 PM CST
I'm all for supporting the local police force, but the numbers don't support your claim that Lincoln has a problem with small crime. According to a per-capita analysis of the yearly crime statistics posted on the Lincoln Police Department's website, vandalism has fallen 22% since 1995, auto theft by 27%, other thefts by 25%, and burglary by 14%. (Continued…)
The Grass is Always Greener After You Mow It
posted 7/29/08 @ 12:30 AM CST
As a progressive, I too am tired of listening to people whine about expensive schools and city services. And while I have to admit that Shari has a point as far as the high-quality of LPS and the Lincoln Police force are concerned, it's hard for me to ignore the unkempt city parks which, for the past few summers, have been allowed to grow "au naturale" -- excuse my French. (Continued…)
Shari
posted 7/31/08 @ 10:10 PM CST
KLKN also reported this evening that crime in Lincoln has dropped a staggering 20% in the last six months, crediting LPD's "Stronger Safer Neighborhoods" program. (Continued…)
Debt Reduction
posted 9/24/08 @ 5:10 PM CST
Lincoln is a great community and it is exciting that crime in our area in decreasing faster than anywhere else in the US.
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