Have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, I love Quentin Tarantino but I hate good filmmaking?” Well, boy, do I have the movie for you. 

“Copshop” is about con-artist Teddy Murretto (Frank Grillo), who punches rookie police officer Valerie Young (Alexis Louder) in the face in an attempt to get arrested and save himself from getting hunted down by vicious killer Bob Viddick (Gerard Butler). His plans go south when Viddick has the same idea, running into a state trooper’s car and convincing them he was driving drunk, getting himself locked up less than five feet away from Murretto. 

Things go haywire when a crazed gunman, Anthony Lamb (Toby Huss), who’s portrayed as entirely unhinged — meowing randomly and breaking out into song as he murders people — makes his way into the police station and kills almost every cop on site, except for one he uses as a pawn to get to Murretto. Young evades Lamb and locks herself in the detention center with Murretto and Viddick, but not before getting herself shot in the abdomen. She must make the choice between revealing herself to Viddick, a known murderer, or Murretto, a misunderstood con-man. With her survival on the line, the dilemma’s stakes couldn’t be higher.

For starters, I hated watching this movie. The writing was abysmal and I hated the way the film was shot. The lighting in the cells was so atrocious that I could hardly see the actor’s faces half the time, and the pacing was also distractingly clunky. The movie starts off in broad daylight, and then inexplicably, the next shot uses amateur color grading to give the illusion of night— with no indication of time passing, might I add. Also, there were a few scenes that were entirely out of focus. Even from a basic filmmaking standpoint, this is not a well-made movie. 

I really liked the concept of this movie, and I feel it could’ve really worked if the plot wasn’t absolutely riddled with clichés. It felt as if someone who never had a real interaction with another human being and only watched 90s cop B-movies wrote this script. The entire middle part of this movie is Viddick and Morretto trying to convince a gravely wounded Young to give them the keys instead of the other guy, which got old after a solid two minutes. There were multiple moments where characters acted with no motivation, and the film is chock-full of basic continuity errors any script supervisor worth their salt would’ve easily caught. 

The acting in this movie is mediocre at best, with Gerard Butler being the highlight in this dull film. The actors are rarely given more to do than sit around and complain, which is what I’ll be doing for the next couple of nights whenever someone asks me about this movie. The wig they put on Frank Grillo was absolutely atrocious, and whenever he took it out of that disgusting man bun, I died a little inside. It looked so greasy and fake, which could’ve played into his character, but I saw it as a mistake on hair and makeup. Also, the film was set in a police station in a place called Gun Creek — I’m gonna vomit. 

There were also these weird subplots that didn’t get fleshed out enough for me to care about them. They were about government corruption and a side character cop who owes someone a ton of money so he decides to steal heroin from evidence. Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less how these secondary plot-lines ended. Pretty much every opportunity this movie had to impress me, it woefully missed its mark and instead ended up disappointing me. 

Anyways, do yourself a favor and don’t watch “Copshop.” I cannot stress enough how much I don’t like this film. Stay home and rewatch that show you’ve seen a billion times instead. I’m sure there’s more for you in that than there is in this movie.