Wiseau’s attempt at horror is scary for the wrong reasons

Every Halloween, a set of tired, cliched films hit the big screen in an attempt to scare the majority of the public by falling back on the elements in cinema that appeal to the lowest common denominator. But, as has been the trend of the last 10 years or so, the major studios have clearly lost touch with what is scary. It is the independent studios that have truly shocked us, from last year's "Paranormal Activity" to 1999's "The Blair Witch Project."

But now, that time has come and gone. The season for silver-screen terror has passed. And we must focus our attention on the great unknown, the Internet, for something original.

No one knows the business of viral marketing quite like cult-auteur Tommy Wiseau. For seven years of cinematic silence since his head-scratching, spoon-throwing, dorm room-favorite "The Room," Wiseau has been the object of much discussion and has clearly waited patiently to return to the medium. His latest, "The House That Drips Blood on Alex," which was created by sketch comedy group Studio8, is so mind-boggling, so laden with cliches that something original accidentally emerges.

The premise is very simple: As a direct homage to the housing crisis plaguing America, and the broken economy of Wiseau's adopted California, the film is mounted around a man moving into a new house. The property, located on Blood Street (pronounced "Blewd") is sold to Wiseau by a very devil-like real estate agent for no down payment by simply signing his name in blood.

For the skeptics who claim that Wiseau and his fellow artists are out of touch, one can argue that this film is an allegory for the bubble-bursting housing market collapse caused by a devilish set of real estate agents and banks, as dictated by the film's thesis, that has not only torn apart the protagonist of "The House," but America on the whole.

Wiseau is never much for subtlety. As such, this metaphorical everyman's house, literally (as the title would imply) drips blood on the owner. Now, I don't want to ruin the climax of the short film, but suffice it to say that the allegory comes full circle.

Throughout the film, Wiseau's friends realize their friend's plight in his foolish attempt to gain some independence. Alex is either too stupid to realize what is actually happening, or — and I don't doubt that Wiseau or Studio8's genius extends this far — embodies the American home owner who strives, often with reckless abandon, toward the American Dream we were all promised.

And Wiseau, looking particularly pale and gaunt of late, still rocks the vaguely Eastern European (but definitely not from this continent) accent, perhaps (and this is a big "perhaps") representing the idea of outsiders rationalizing the American Dream with contemporary American reality.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

To say that this short film is stupid would be like saying Wiseau's acting is only a bit subpar: Both are monumental understatements. Wiseau toes the line of comedic ham and showing up to shooting completely shitfaced. The supporting cast, just as in "The Room," are only impressive in their ability to act around Wiseau as if he isn't an extra-terrestrial come to this planet to share a reflection of our culture, but forgetting to translate it into a language or context we can understand.

"The House" is not a scary film. Not even slightly. Even if you watched it in your own home at 2 a.m. in a house that was actually dripping blood, a viewer would be hard-pressed to find even slight shivers running down their spin. Unless you're referring to the nauseating screen performance of the title character.

So perhaps I overstated the profundity of the Internet and the revolution of screen terror. But something about Wiseau's latest film is wildly entertaining and socially relevant if one takes the time to pontificate on the incidental.

Why not?

Maybe this is a major arrival for Wiseau as a martyr for the cinema and the American people: Couldn't it be said that we learn more from our bad movies — and why we watch them — than from our Oscar winners?

Wiseau would undoubtedly argue yes, and that he's always been the poster boy for an undefinable artistic movement. But that's provided he's heard of the Oscars.

noahballard@

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