With the new year upon us, television networks begin the cycle again. They start pumping out new shows in hopes that these new atrocities will be more successful than the other new stuff they pumped out back in September.
It's a fickle game, television. For every "The Office," there are four "Pan Am"s that were destined for cancellation from the start. But the networks march on, continuing to throw things against the wall in hopes they'll stick and not make a mess on the carpet like "The Playboy Club" did. Here's a look at some of the new series that will be popping up in the coming weeks.
Fox apparently looked through its past and noticed the cult following "Napoleon Dynamite" (2004) had and is bringing back the entire cast (including Haylie Duff!) to give a cartoon series a try.
If you were left with a itch after "Lost" ended, J.J. Abrams is back with his new show, "Alcatraz" on Fox. Similar to "Lost," the show takes place on an island from which people want to escape and features comic relief from Jorge Garcia (AKA Hurley).
Also showing up on Fox is the show "The Finder." The show follows the life of a guy who is really good at finding things. Will the show find good ratings? Only time will tell, but I'm putting my money on no.
Kiefer Sutherland makes a return to Fox with the new show "Touch." With a plot the focuses on Sutherland's autistic son who can see the future, Fox has to be betting that people who don't understand anything will watch it and assume that it's just "24" with a different name. I won't be surprised when the show gets huge.
Over on NBC (also known as the station that put "Community" on hiatus while leaving "Whitney" on the air), they'll be premiering the show "Fashion Star," which I assume is just "America's Next Top Model" with less of Tyra Banks' forehead. They'll be trying out their new comedy "Are You There, Chelsea?" on Wednesday nights. Based on Chelsea Handler's book "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea," the show will feature a girl who isn't Chelsea Handler playing Chelsea Handler. I'm glad NBC recognized that she needed two shows about her, though.
NBC will also look to get some loving from the "Glee" fanbase with their new show "Smash." Chronicling the life of a girl trying to make it on Broadway, I'm sure it's primed and ready to have teenage girls everywhere update their Facebook statuses after some dreamy guy kisses a dreamy girl - but not his usual dreamy girl.
ABC continues their tried-and-true method of creating dramas that are popular in nursing homes and on ignored airport televisions. With "Missing," ABC hopes that viewers think they just misremembered the title of "Lost." A girl goes missing in Italy. Perhaps there could be a crossover with "The Finder?"
Also on ABC, "The River" tells the story of a guy who goes missing (missing-persons-show enthusiasts rejoice!). It is filmed in shaky-cam as his family searches the jungle to find him while dealing with paranormal happenings.
I forget that CBS exists a lot. I think none of the shows on CBS would appeal to me, but that's because I'm not even sure what's on CBS, other than SEC football. The station will continue on the path that I don't notice with it's new show "Rob." Based on the life of Rob Schneider, (which I don't care about because I was born in 1990), the show will also have Cheech Marin in it. This show might not be aimed at viewers like me.
Outside the big networks, MTV has a show called "I Just Want My Pants Back!" Spoiler alert: it is about a guy that wants his pants back. Twist: A girl took them. But is he really trying to get his pants back or just trying to win her heart? I guess you'll have to tune in to find out!
The coming television season seems like a mixed bag, assuming the mixed bag has unoriginal ideas, laugh tracks and general mediocrity in it. I might be sticking to my "Arrested Development" DVDs this spring.
Tyler Keown is a freshman broadcasting major. Reach him at tylerkeown@dailynebraskan.com
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