HJERSMAN: Faking orgasms feels good for no one

In "When Harry Met Sally," Meg Ryan showed that women can and do fake orgasms. With just the right amount of moans, head rolls, "Oh, yes!" yells and smartly timed pounds on the table, she delivered a hilarious and fairly believable performance, albeit in the middle of a deli.

But just because we can fake them, does not mean we should.

I am mostly addressing my female readers when I say: Please, please, please don't fake orgasms.

And to all you male readers: Keep reading, because you could learn a few things from this column, as well.

Ladies, faking an orgasm won't help you and – more importantly – it won't help your partner.

Sure, faking an orgasm might seem like a selfless thing to do – at first.

We might think, "Oh, I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate, so I'll just pretend he brought me to climax."

But by sparing his pride, we're actually impairing him as a lover.

When we fake it, we give our partners unrealistic standards. They'll start to think what they're doing is actually effective when it might not be. They'll start to think we'll climax every time, when for women, it's not that easy.

It's often difficult for women to climax on their own let alone with a partner.

We can't expect men to magically figure out how to make us come – especially if they already think they're doing so.

The problem here is communication, or lack thereof.

As a society, we are so afraid to talk about sex that we won't even talk about it while we're having it.

This is ridiculous.

If you are comfortable enough with someone to share your body with them, you should be comfortable enough to tell them what does and doesn't work for you.

We, as women, must communicate with our partners. We must tell them, "Yes, that feels good," or "No, that doesn't."

And we must mean it.

And if we don't reach climax, we should tell them. I'm not saying we have to be mean. We don't have to say, "No, I didn't reach climax, because you're terrible in bed and I find you inadequate." (Well, maybe if it's the truth.)

We can just as easily say, "No, I didn't come, but I was close. And that thing you were doing with your hand was amazing. Do that next time." Or something similar…
You see, men are like puppies: They learn through praise.

Say a puppy pees on the carpet next to the doggie door. Sure, he almost made it outside. He was in the right area and he had the right idea, but he didn't quite make it. If we gave that puppy a treat, then he'll just continue peeing by the doggie door. We can only give him a treat and a loving scratch behind the ears once he actually pees outside.

OK, that was kind of a strange analogy, but I hope it made sense.

Basically what I'm saying is, we can't tell guys they're making us come unless they really are, otherwise they'll just continue not making us come and we'll just continue faking it. And once we get used to faking it, we get used to not climaxing. And pretty soon, we've forgotten what an orgasm feels like at all.

Just writing that sentence, I could feel my heart breaking a little.

Ladies. Listen to me: It's OK for you to want to orgasm. Sex shouldn't be just about him getting his jollies. We have every right to want to orgasm and every right to actively pursue that Big O.

And any man worth sleeping with will want to take you there just as much as he wants to go, too.

Don't be afraid to tell him what you like, what will take you over the edge. If he's worth it, he'll jump at the chance to please you.

And if you're still too embarrassed to say what you want out loud, you can always show him.

And if you're not even sure what you want, well then it's time to do a little self-exploration. The more you know about your own body and what feels good, the better you can teach your partner how to please you.

Johnna Hjersman is a senior news-editorial major. Reach her at johnnahjersman@dailynebraskan.com.