Facebook, texts spell end of romance

Valentine's Day is coming this Saturday, and if you're a sad bastard like me, this is your opportunity to feel just a little bit worse.

While the cute couples are out to dinner and giving each other various gifts to confirm their love – whether it's some expensive jewelry that will inevitably be thrown away when they break up or a lap dance that she'll eventually feel embarrassed about giving – the larger percentage of the population will be alone.

We'll sit in our rooms watching bad romantic comedies and eating foods that will only make us even less attractive.


Maybe we'll take our free Saturday night and write one of those preposterous "25 Random Things" lists on Facebook or our blogs in an attempt to be candid. That's mostly just B.S., and the people who read them probably don't know any more than they did before.


This is just an example of a bigger problem. We're systematically killing the romance in our lives.

When we find it, we're so baffled about what to do with it that we usually blow it off or find excuses for our feelings.


People have so many ways to contact one another these days that we hide behind whatever sort of meaning 160 characters can express in a text message. We hide in the wording of e-mails, Facebook wall posts and more.


We meet someone pretty or funny at a party or in a class. We get their name or their number. If we get their name, we merciless stalk them on the Internet. If we get their number, we quietly wonder how long to wait before texting them.


When contact is finally made, we learn about these people through fragmented responses to abbreviated questions.

It's all so quick and convenient, yet it's all so meaningless. And I have to ask: "Where's the fun in that?"

After going on numerous and often terrible dates during the past few years, I realized there are right and wrong answers to certain important questions. The answer is not in what they say, but how they say it.

The person's eyes accent the words across the table. Their hands add emphasis and inflection. Certain nuances you can't catch in a text message are detectable when looking into someone's eyes.


I find that when I start a relationship via text message, I build up the fantasy so much that the real person can never live up to the character in my head.

If you start a connection with another human being in a medium that does not allow for inflection and gesture, you're really just becoming involved with a version of yourself.

It's like romantic masturbation: It all happens in your head.

As entertaining as masturbation is, every once in a while it's nice to get someone else involved. I find the conversation to be less predictable that way.

It's nice to be a failure the old fashioned way via pure, simple, face-to-face rejection.

I've had women talk on the phone with me for all of a Friday night meal. I've had one admit that the political figure she was most inspired by was Adolf Hitler.

One time I went on what I thought was a date ... and then five hours later she admitted she had a boyfriend, and I felt like an ass.

One woman kicked me out of her dorm room for no reason, then attacked me sexually in the elevator going to the lobby moments later.

I've been on good dates, too.

I've kissed girls, felt good about myself and the new connection I established. I've also kissed girls and not felt anything. I've fallen in love and had my heart broken a couple times.

What makes these moments great stories is that they actually happened in real life.

So get off your asses, you Facebook stalkers and text message addicts.

I'm not saying I will spend Valentine's Day any less miserable, but you can't hope to one day find that special someone with the safety net of electronic conversation.

It isn't real. There's nothing invested. And, as such, there's nothing to gain.


Noah Ballard is a sophomore english major. Check out his blog at dailynebraskan.com