Wave goodbye to stadium fad

Sit down.

Now, stand up.

Flail your hands up in the air, wave them around as if there are no repercussions and scream "Woo" as loud as you can.

Wait 30 seconds, repeat.

The simple instructions above might seem innocent enough, but they are for the most heinous act a fan can perform at a sporting event.

The wave.

Forget throwing 40-inch LPs onto the field, charging the court after defeating a sub-.500 basketball team (Iowa State, anyone?) or doing the Macarena. The wave is the most foolish and idiotic activity a fan can do at a game.

If Mark Twain were alive today, he would say, "It is better to have others think you are an incompetent fan than to do the wave and remove all doubt."

Almost any person who has attended a Cornhusker football game has witnessed the travesty of the wave.

The game may be progressing in a good-natured fashion with Nebraska dominating the opponent. But, inevitably someone starts the wave. Most of the time this person is either a) incredibly drunk, b) incredibly bored, c) incredibly stupid, d) possessing incredibly low life goals or e) a combination of these.

However, to fully understand the wave, one must know its origins, which is as confusing as why fans still do the wave.

The University of Washington press guide says the wave goes back to Husky Stadium during UW's 42-31 win over Stanford in 1981. Cheerleader Rob Weller created the phenomenon on a return visit to the campus, where he was "cheer king" in the early 1970s.

All went along with this claim until "Krazy George" posted on his Web site he was the creator. "The world's sexiest cheerleader" claims he invented the wave a mere 16 days before Weller did, and has video tapes, witnesses and Howard Cosell to prove it.

While I am sure being able to have "Creator of the Wave" inscribed on their tombstone is important to these men, this honor ranks just below owning Luis Gonzalez's chewed bubble gum.

No matter who started the wave, it has spread and grown in popularity since the early '80s.

The time has come to end to the wave.

All trends must come to an end. The achy-breaky-heart craze died, as did letting the dogs out. Short basketball pants went on the wayside and Saved by the Bell was canceled. (I miss you Kelly Kapowski.)

The wave needs to be put on the chopping block because it has hurt the sporting world almost as much as free agency. The wave is evil for many reasons.

It is disrespectful to the players. The start of the wave means the fans have become bored with the game and need another form of entertainment.

The wave is a simple form of self-entertainment. It is the equivalent of the kick line for dance squads. If you become bored, watch the big HuskerVision screens, or, dare I say, go home.

The wave ruins the atmosphere of the game. Fans act like they have acquired a sudden case of ADHD and stare in awe at the wave as it makes its way around the stadium.

It is difficult to escape the wave. It has invaded our culture. We find it in movies. For instance Kevin Costner's character does it in Field of Dreams. ESPN even made a SportsCenter commercial about it - portraying anchors, crew and staff dropping everything and joining in on the wave.

Smoking has the patch. Alcohol has 12 steps. A way to wean fans off the wave needs to be invented.

The buddy system works swell. Whenever person A hears person B mention doing the wave, that person politely jacks person B in the arm, thereby making it physically impossible for person B to raise his or her arm and do the wave.

Last Saturday, the 250th consecutive sellout of Memorial Stadium was celebrated. Yet, even on this historic occasion, fans still did the wave.

Saddening.

The next time the wave comes around, start a new trend. Be bold. Be daring. Do nothing.

Wave goodbye.